Cullen Family Disco
by SmilingJane
Summary: A disco trip is in the near future, so says Alice. Bella, being part of the family, will be included.
1. The Disco?

_I thought this would be fun for all of us. -Aurora_

_Disclaimer: I own nothing. All of it belongs to brilliant Stephenie Meyer._

"You're kidding, right?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"Nope. We're all going, including you," Alice contradicted. "It'll be fun."

"Fun? Alice, going to a disco with all of you, including _Emmett_, isn't going to be fun." I wasn't going to let her get her way this time. Dancing, 60's outfits, and Emmett weren't a combination I was willing to deal with.

"Please?" Alice pouted. "Edward's going," she added, trying to lure me in, not quite realizing that I knew that he was included in 'the whole family.' I couldn't help it. A sad Alice was devastating to everyone, particularly if it's my fault she's sad.

"Fine. I'll go, but I won't have fun," I said stubbornly. Discoing evidently wasn't a human experience I would get to miss.

"Oh my God," I muttered when Alice led me up the ladder to the Cullen attic. Every free space in the large, low ceilinged room was filled with racks and racks of vintage clothes that Alice had saved from every decade before the Cullens had moved to Forks.

"Well, go ahead and choose something. The 60's are over there." Alice pointed me towards me towards the right side of the vast attic. I glared at her until she got my point. "Oh. Right. You weren't alive. I'll help," she said with a grin. She began sorting through the clothes taking out anything that might fit me. "Let's see..Nothing of mine or Rosalie's will fit you, so that leaves Esme..Or Jasper.." I stared at her. "I was just kidding. Calm down," she replied with a musical laugh. "Hmm..That won't fit..Too short..Edward will kill me..Hey, this is supposed to be in the 50's section! Emmett loves to mess with this stuff.." She was muttering to herself, and I still couldn't get a word in.

"Hey, what about that one?"

After an hour of searching, I was ready. I had chosen a royal blue dress, tiedyed, much too short, with long flared sleeves. Alice had also taken me through the accessories and ingored my protests. While being ingored, I figured out that the root word of "accessories" is "excess," whice really makes sense. While she ignored me, Alice multitasked, and found a matching headband, a gold peace sign medalion, and white go-go boots. As far as the whole outfit went, it really could have been worse. Alice searched for five minutes, found something for herself, and we climbed down the ladder.

Until the third step from the bottom, I had avoided tripping in my new death-trap boots. I placed my foot less carefully than was reasonable for someone like me, and I slipped. I expected to hit the floor, but before I did, cold hands caught me.

"You look nice," Edward murmured. I only smiled. I was already too far gone in his eyes to manage much else. I didn't get much of a chance to recover. Still holding me up, Edward kissed me. It was a good thing he still kept me up, otherwise I would have fallen again. Of course, I didn't have much time.

"Makeup now, kiss later," Alice, the romance Nazi, come to yank me off to her bathroom. Once she had dragged me there, I desperately tried to get out of wearing the heavy makeup that she was going to insist on.

"Alice, weren't the 60's when they had all those feminists lobbying against makeup and that stuff?" I had absolutely no clue if I was right, that could've been going on last year for all I knew. Apparently, though, my guess was close.

"We aren't going to a Rights for Women riot, we are going to the disco. When we go to a riot, you won't be wearing makeup." Alice had proved my fact, and shot it down at the same time. She just told me to hold still while she applied foundation, glitter, blush, eyeshadow, mascara, eyeliner, and God knows what else. I was surprised that she didn't put on any lipstick. "I don't want to do that to Edward. I could just completely forbid you to kiss him, but neither of you would listen, and it would come off." I was wondering if she's had a vison about this, but she seemed a bit angry at the moment, so I didn't bother. "Oh wait! I know what to do!" She raced out the door and was back before I could blink. She held a sliced lemon. I was a bit confused, until I remembered the Victorian novel I had read, and the girls had all colored their lips by irritating their skin with the acid from lemon juice. Alice got an applicator and put the acid on me. "Perfect!" she squealed. "Okay Bella, It's time to go see everyone."

_A/N: THE ACCOUNT NAME WILL BE CHANGED. GO TO MY PROFILE FOR MORE DETAILS. -Aurora_


	2. Wait, There Are RULES?

_I'm so sorry this took so long, but I have things going on, including a writing contest. I placed 11th. -Aurora_

_Disclaimer: I own nothing. All of it belongs to brilliant Stephenie Meyer._

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I tried hard not to trip again in my new shoes, affectionately named "The Boots of Death." I made it safely downstairs and entered the living room. The whole family (other than Alice, of course, who was walking behind me) was there. Carlisle and Esme were on the couch, talking. Jasper sat on the other side of the couch, seeming not to know what exactly he was doing there. His face brightened when he saw Alice.

Emmett and Rosalie were in an armchair, apparently talking cars, as Rosalie was saying a lot more. Edward was leaning against a wall, probably sulking about Alice dragging me to the disco with them. The whole family was dressed in clothes straight out of the 60's, just like I was. Edward looked up when I entered, and his face broke into my favorite crooked smile. I walked to him.

"Hey," I said. He just smiled again.

"Hello," he greeted, and took my hand. I realized that our outfits had the same color blue; Alice's doing. Our entrance seemed to be the cue for silence. Carlisle stood up.

"I think-no, I'm positive," Carlisle looked at Alice as he said this, "that it might be a good idea to go back over the rules of the disco. It's been a while since we've gone, and our new family member might like to know what to expect. Also, I received certain information," he looked at Alice again, she must have had a vision about our trip, "alerting me to the fact that some of you may have forgotten the rules." Carlisle looked pointedly at Emmett, who cursed under his breath.

"All clear," said Alice.

"Thank you. Now, over the years, you children have found and exploited loopholes in our rule set." Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, Jasper, and Edward bridled at the word "children."

"Yes, a child older than his mother. You won't see that on Jerry Springer," Edward murmured. Carlisle stayed silent until he knew he had our attention.

"Anyway, we," he indicated Esme, "have added new rules to ensure the safety of Bella, our secret, and Helen, the disco owner. Clear?" There were nods and agreements around the room, except for Emmett, who complained.

"More rules. I thought we had enough," he grumbled. Esme stood up and began handing out pieces of paper, one for each couple. There was a pause as every vampire in the room other than Carlisle, Esme, and Alice rushed out and came back in, each carrying a pen.

"Where's yours?" I asked Alice.

"I already knew they were using paper this time." She took a pen out of her pocket. "It's so that we can't just say that the rule was different than it really was. Everyone wanted to be able to write down their loopholes," she said, explaining the pen rush.

"Bella," Edward got my attention and handed me a pen. "We have to find loopholes. Carlisle has been very careful with his thoughts, so I haven't thought of any in advance." I was confused.

"Don't we want to play by the rules? I mean, he has them pretty much so that Emmett and Rosalie don't do anything embarrassing, right?"

"Some of the rules are against things that we would want to do. Also, we've set up a black market in loopholes." Responding to my puzzled expression, he explained, "If one couple hasn't found a loophole that another has, they'll trade for another loophole. It's childish, but we all signed a contract. Alice has to block visions about other couples' loopholes, I have to block all loophole thoughts, and Jasper isn't allowed to mess with our emotions enough to make us give loophole ideas away."

"Wow. That's..." I was pretty much at a loss. Then, I realized that we were alone. "Where's everyone else?" Edward laughed.

"The loophole process usually takes about an hour, or more if the rules cover everything. The couples usually go to their rooms to think, " he explained. I took his hand.

"Let's go, then." We walked up that stairs and into his room. I sat on the couch, and Edward sat with me. We looked at the list.

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_A/N: Sorry about the cliffhanger, but my typing program is an idiot (...) so I can't format the rule list the right way if it's in this chapter. Again, sorry._

_THE ACCOUNT NAME WILL BE CHANGED. GO TO MY PROFILE FOR MORE DETAILS. -Aurora_


	3. The Rule List

_I couldn't include this in the last chapter because of formatting. -Aurora_

_Disclaimer: I own nothing. All of it belongs to brilliant Stephenie Meyer._

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DISCO RULES

1. Wearing clothes from decades other than the 1960's confuses other patrons.

2. "Inside voices" must be used at all times.

3. Public displays of affection must be limited.

4. No singing.

5. Real names must be used at all times.

6. Helen, the owner, must be obeyed at all times.

7. Changing your mind nonstop about which song to request to the DJ, while thinking loudly, while feeling extreme emotion is expressly forbidden.

8. Human food is to be eaten by humans.

9. "Your mom" jokes aren't to be told at all. Also, you are not to invent "Your dad" jokes.

10. As far as Helen and the patrons of the disco are concerned, we are not vampires. Under no circumstances may they be enlightened. We also don't have special powers as far as they know. This should stay this way.

11. You aren't Jesus.

12. You aren't God.

13. You aren't dead.

14. Jasper and Rosalie are twins. Emmett, Edward and Alice are siblings. Carlisle and Esme are their adopted parents. Bella is Edward's girlfriend. No one should be informed otherwise.

15. Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett will be sophomores in college after summer break, come home for a visit. Alice, Edward, and Bella will be freshmen in college after summer break. No one should be informed otherwise.

16. If, for any reason, Helen has thrown any member of the family out of the disco, that family member is not allowed to come back, in a disguise or not.

17. You don't "pwn" anyone or anything.

18. Bella isn't pregnant, and no one should be informed otherwise.

19. If, for any reason, someone at the disco is in a panic, pointing at them and yelling "Panic! At The Disco" will not be tolerated.

20. Dancing is fine. Bad, strange, lap, professional, loud, dirty, and/or drunken dancing is not.

21. Quoting from children's books is forbidden.

22. Quoting from French movies is forbidden.

23. Using any language other than English is forbidden. If you are asked to say something in another language, say "How are you?" in Spanish and be done with it.

24. Talking to other patrons about Edward and Bella's love life embarrasses Bella, ticks off Edward, and annoys whoever it is you're talking to.

25. Every rule on this page, including this one, must be followed at all times. There are no exceptions to any of these rules.

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_A/N Again, for formatting reasons, I can't put any more of what happens next into this short, short chapter. The next one will be up before long._

_THE ACCOUNT NAME WILL BE CHANGED. GO TO MY PROFILE FOR MORE DETAILS. -Aurora_


	4. Loopholes

_Okay, I lied. This has taken me a lot more time than I expected to post. Also, I haven't been putting it in, but I think it's obvious that this is all in Bella's POV. If I do a chapter in another POV, I'll let you know. :D -Aurora_

_Disclaimer: Yadda, yadda, yadda, not mine._

"Let's see..." Edward began, holding up a pen. "We should identify which rules we would actually want to break."

"Let's get started, then."

Before long, we had our list. Rules two, three, four, five, six, twelve, sixteen, nineteen, and especially twenty-five were the rules that we might want to break.

"Rule Two is easily dealt with. The term 'inside voices' is undefined," Edward said, making note of that fact on the rule sheet.

"Rule Three is my favorite to get around," I said teasingly. "The rule says 'limited', not 'forbidden'." I marked it down, and Edward grinned at me.

"You're becoming one of us," He pointed out. "That was a loophole worthy of Alice." I smiled. "Rule Four isn't one that we should be too worried about, but you never know. Emmett will definitely want to exploit this one, and he probably won't have a loophole. We will have one for him." I nodded. Emmett would certainly want to embarrass us with a swinging rendition of Barbie Girl or something like it.

"Do we really want him to be able to sing freely, though?" I asked. Edward chuckled.

"Not really, love, but he might have a loophole that we don't have. We would trade. As for the loophole, any attempt at singing made by Emmett isn't singing, it's screeching. Screeching isn't forbidden." I laughed, and while Edward wrote the loophole down, I pondered Rule Five.

"Technically, none of you ever use your real names," I pointed out. Edward looked at me, confused. "Well, Alice's real name is Mary Alice Whitlock. The rule says to use real names, it didn't specify that we had to use _our_ real names. I could tell every person there that my name is Mary, and not specify which one. I would have the whole place thinking I'm the blessed virgin, though that might violate rules Eleven and Twelve." At this Edward laughed and gave me a kiss.

"You are diabolical." I beamed. "Rule Six shouldn't be too hard to get around. If we never let Helen get a word in, as in, talk over her all the time, she can't tell us to do, or not to do, anything."

"Good thinking." He wrote the loophole on the sheet. "Rule Twelve is easy. No one can say they're God, but the rule says nothing about saying you are _a_ god. Also, there's nothing about saying someone _else_ is God. Another one," I went on as Edward jotted my loopholes down, "is that it's limited to God. What about saying you're Allah, or something? Finally, It says that 'you' _aren't_ God. Everyone knows how to lie." When I finished my loophole tirade, Edward looked at me and grinned, surprising me when he gave me a kiss that made my knees weak, making some corner of my mind glad that I was sitting down.

"This experience makes you more of a Cullen than any marriage ceremony ever could," He said, seeming breathless. I smiled.

"We still have some rules to break. Let's get cracking." He laughed.

"Alright. Rule Sixteen is easy. The term 'the family' is undefined. Which family?" I giggled as he wrote the loophole on the now heavily marked page.

"Rule Nineteen says that yelling Panic! At The Disco won't be tolerated. Screaming, stage-whispering, saying, and writing aren't mentioned." I wrote the loophole as I spoke.

"Very nice," Edward complimented. "I'm not sure how to get around Rule Twenty-Five. Maybe one of the other couples will have something." As if right on cue, Emmett burst into the room.

"How the hell do I get past Rule Twelve?" He asked, A manic look in his eye. Rosalie walked into the room then, holding up a piece of paper that was heavily marked with purple pen.

"We'll give you a way past Rule Seventeen," She said with a small smile. I smiled back at her.

"Sure thing, Rose. Emmett, we have four loopholes for Rule Twelve," Edward said. "All Bella's ideas." He showed Emmett our paper. After reading our loopholes for Rule Twelve, He ran over and hugged me.

"You rock, Bella! Who knew a human could come up with kickass loopholes?"

"Emmett--can't---breathe!" I gasped. Edward pulled Emmett off me. "Thanks," I said, beaming at him. He wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Any time," he murmured, putting his lips gently to mine.

"Hey you two! You want a way past Seventeen or not?" Emmett yelled. Edward frowned and we broke apart.

"What did you find?" I asked, swaying slightly. Edward put one arm around my waist to hold me up.

"Well, it bans 'pwn', but it says nothing about the normal spelling for 'own'. Also, it doesn't ban any other web speak. Words such as 'n00b' and 'w00t' are still permitted," Rosalie stated, reading off her paper. Alice and Jasper joined us then.

"We have a way past Rule Twenty-Five," Alice announced, looking around the room. All of us turned to look at her. "It's not really a loophole, because is doesn't get around the rule, so we'll give it to you for free. Rule Twenty-Five is pretty much obsolete, because all it does is clarify the other rules, which we'll already be able to get around." She smiled.

"Thanks, Alice," The four of us said in unison. Alice grinned.

"It was Jasper's idea," she said, looking at Jasper with love in her eyes. After a while, Emmett cleared his throat. "Okay everyone," Alice said, snapping back to reality, "it's time to leave."

_A/N: There, my longest chapter ever. Sorry about the wait, the...two of you that read this. I told myself when I started posting fanfic that I wouldn't get sucked into the review-whore thing. I was wrong. Review, please. ^^ The next chapter might be in the near future if I get a review or two..._

_THE ACCOUNT NAME WILL BE CHANGED. GO TO MY PROFILE FOR MORE DETAILS. -Aurora_


	5. Rule 12

_A/N: Well, don't I feel like a douche-bag. In the disclaimers I've written so far, I spelled Stephenie Meyer's name wrong. I fixed it. I'll get it right from now on, I swear!! Another thing: this fic is rated T, only because I have no clue what any of the ratings mean (other than M, of course) and because there will be swearing. I'll change it to M if it gets out of hand. One last item before I quit rambling and get on with the chapter, I started writing this fic after I had already read Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse, so all of this fic is pre-Breaking Dawn.....I'll shut up in a second, I swear!! I had to add that in the process of procrastinating adding a chapter to this obscenely long authors note, I read my reviews for this story and my butterfly story (ie, the only other story I have) and I just started smiling. I hadn't figured out how to read reviews (sad, I know) and when I read them, it made the review-whore in me so happy. ^^ A good review is all it takes to simply make my day. ^^ One more thing: I've been screwing up the 60's and the 70's this whole time, but I've gone back and fixed most of it now, and if I missed one, don't just complain, tell me where. -Aurora_

_Disclaimer: I own nothing but Helen and the disco setup. All the rest (the good parts, in other words) belong to the goddess Steph__**e**__nie Meyer._

We walked down to the Cullen garage in twos, Carlisle and Esme, then Alice and Jasper, Emmett and Rose, with their hands in one anothers back pockets, and Edward and I. Each couple kept up their own conversation. When we walked into the massive garage, I veered left, towards the Volvo. I felt two cold arms wrap around my waist.

"Where do you think you're going?" Edward murmured. I couldn't answer. "We aren't taking the Volvo." He kept one of my hands and pulled me gently to where his family stood, smirks on their lovely faces. I hadn't noticed the shape that they gathered around now; the bulky thing covered in a beige dust cover. Emmett put his hand on the dust cover now.

"We're taking this." He swept the cover off dramatically, revealing a rainbow painted car, straight from the 70's. I gaped.

"We only drive it to the disco, so we don't scare the public more than absolutely necessary." Edward answered the unspoken question on my face.

"Everyone in," Carlisle said. The Cullens gracefully entered the car. I tripped and had to be caught by Emmett; Edward was a few seats away.

"Damn, Bella. Nice entrance," Emmett teased. Edward growled on my behalf. I eventually got myself into my seat and we raced down the long drive, faster than I would've thought possible for the old car, but still much slower than what the Volvo or Rosalie's BMW usually did.

"I really need to do more work on this thing," Rose grumbled, instantly erasing my confusion about the car's speed. The Cullens muttered their agreement, all except Emmett.

"It's a hell of a lot faster than Bella's truck," he pointed out, laughing. I just glared.

"We're here, everyone, " Carlisle announced. He parallel parked effortlessly and we all exited the tacky vehicle. I was instantly overwhelmed by the brightly colored lights and loud music emanating from the place. I raised an eyebrow.

"Is this a disco or a strip club?" Everyone laughed at me.

"You've never been to a disco before, so I guess you might think that," Jasper commented. "but this is just a genuine disco, tacky as hell."

"Careful you don't trip over the lights in the floor, Bella," Emmett snickered." Rosalie smacked him in the back of the head. "What? She might..." This time it was Edward that smacked him.

"Children!" Esme called them to order, and we all walked inside.

As promised, there was a lighted dance floor, which was crowded with people dressed in a similar fashion, though not nearly as authentic as our vintage getups. A middle-aged woman holding a clipboard looked up when we entered, and her eyes hardened as she took in the Cullens and I.

"Is that Helen?" I asked Edward in a whisper. I could barely hear myself over the music, but of course he heard me.

"Yes," he answered, "She hates us, of course. Emmett has caused enough trouble around here that I'm surprised she's not carrying a gun."

"Wouldn't help much if she were," I thought aloud.

"Excellent point, but she isn't aware of the whole Cullen gun immunity thing," Edward answered me.

The music was pretty good, the lights reminding me of Alice's graduation party. Edward and I danced a bit, stopping when I tripped on a light.

"Why isn't anyone loop-holing?" I asked after Edward had smacked Emmett for laughing at me.

"Trying to lull Carlisle and Esme into a false sense of security," he answered, quiet enough for his words to be lost in the music, even with his parents' vampire hearing. It was then that I saw Emmett begin to chat up a woman at the bar, Rosalie at his side. Edward started laughing. "Emmett is breaking that rule about telling people that you're God. He's using your loophole." He took my hand and guided me over to where Emmett and Rose were talking to the woman at the bar. I could soon hear the conversation, and was soon doubled up in laughter.

"Hey. What's your name?" Emmett asked the slightly bewildered woman at the bar.

"Um. Michaela. Michaela Newton," she answered, looking alarmed.

"I'm Emmett. Did you know that God has come to Earth?" he asked her, leaning in slightly. She leaned away.

"Um, what?" She really was scared now. Edward let out a burst of laughter, probably in response to her thoughts. That's when Rose jumped in.

"He's God. Emmett is God," she said, looking Michaela straight in the eye. I saw Carlisle and Esme across the room talking to Helen, obviously hearing every word of the conversation. Emmett and Rose would have to hurry up; Carlisle was already trying to excuse himself and Esme from the conversation.

"W-what? What are y-you talking about? L-leave me alone." Michaela stammered, afraid. "He isn't g-God, no one is." She tried to argue, but anyone could see that she was starting to believe it. I saw Jasper dancing with Alice, but his eyes kept darting to the conversation taking place at the bar, he and Alice laughing every so often. Jasper was playing an important role in the hilarious exchange.

"Of course he is, my dear," Rose purred, her eyes darting to Carlisle and Esme, coming closer all the time. "But he needs to go decide your fate. Goodbye, Michaela." Rose ended the conversation and she and Emmett went to dance, tying to act as though nothing had and Esme were there in an instant.

"Outside. Now," Carlisle ordered them. He looked at Jasper and Alice, then at Edward and I. "All of you."

_A/N: Sorry, but I couldn't resist screwing with Newton a bit. I know I haven't posted in a while, but I had a bad case of writers block. I still do, which is probably why this chapter sucked. I even wrote the first authors note, waited a few weeks to attempt at writing the chapter, then wrote this authors note in the middle of writing the chapter. I might actually post my Writers Block word file. Any-ho, if I get reviews, I will work around my writers block as much as possible. Next chapter won't take as long, 'cause I need to get 5,000 total words to be a beta._

_THE ACCOUNT NAME WILL BE CHANGED. GO TO MY PROFILE FOR MORE DETAILS. -Aurora_


	6. AUTHOR'S NOTE

Hello, everyone. Yes, it's an author's note. I'm sorry, I would post another chapter instead, but I have contracted a rare (not really) case of writers block. I started the chapter, I swear! I'm just having some...difficulties

Anyway, I decided to post this as another warning to those who haven't read my profile or any of the chapters of the Disco fic since I put the warnings on there. Hopefully you'll see this before the change, or you'll be one confused reader.

I AM CHANGING THE PENNAME FOR THIS ACCOUNT. THE STORIES WILL BE HERE, ONLY THEY'LL BE UNDER THE NAME **SMILINGJANE**.

**I'LL REPEAT IT IN CASE YOU WEREN'T 'LISTENING': THE NEW NAME FOR THIS ACCOUNT IT SMILINGJANE.**

Thanks for reading and reviewing, everyone! I'll try and kick this writers block and post a new chapter soon.

Aurora


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